Maybe-Someday

"Maybe, someday..."
"Maybe, in the future..."

Those are lyrics from the choruses of two songs I currently can't seem to get out of my head. One is from "Someday" by Rob Thomas, the other is from "Maybe" by Ingrid Michaelson. Good songs, talented artists...but there's something peculiar. These aren't the only songs out there with that theme...the theme of maybes and what's to come. I think it's a pretty accurate reflection of what we are often caught up with. I know I've been guilty of living in the maybe-someday. The maybe does kind of give a bit of a glimpse of hope, but is your maybe a healthy hope? I know I have put my hope in outcomes that I want. I get caught up in the someday regularly. Someday I'll own a home... Someday I'll fall in love... Someday I'll accomplish this or that... Those are all maybes that have run around in my head, things I have hoped in simply because culture tells me that I should.

It took a good hard kick in the rear to teach me to step out of the maybe-someday an into the present. Not that it has been easy, as I still find myself slipping into the maybe-someday mindset. Then I jerk myself back to the present reality simply be reminding myself what is going on. The maybe-someday is never what we expect it to be, and often it's not what we may have wanted at some point. Never in the past did I daydream about a maybe-someday where I'd have a huge tumor that I'd name Leroy. Never was there maybe-someday where I'd have pictured myself 27 and single. I highly doubt there was a maybe-someday where I saw myself in a lot of the situations that I am currently in. However, they are the present reality, and I'm fine with that. Even when the present isn't seemingly ideal, it is what it is, and it's part of a plan bigger than my own.

So, my goal in dealing with the tumor, surgery, and recovery is to not focus on the maybe-someday when I'll be recovered, better, and possibly no longer have back pain. I'm going to do my best to embrace the present, even if that means embracing pain or boredom (which I'm sure there will be plenty of both). Today, I am embracing a Friday at work, and will later be present while hanging out with friends. Tomorrow is a friend's wedding, and I want to be present in that moment as well. There was a time when the maybe-someday always won out. When at work on a Friday, I could think of nothing more than what I'd be doing on Saturday. When at a wedding, I could think of little more than when it'll be my turn. And so on...

I think it might be easier to focus on the present when something big slows us down. At least, that seems to be working for me. Months ago, I had so much on my mind and was constantly thinking of maybe-someday until I was forced to slow down. It seems like God had to intervene to teach me to be present. So, I embrace this lesson, and the pain that's likely to go along with it. No pain no gain, right?