31 years and counting

It's once again that time of year when I begin to reflect upon the previous 365 days of being me and contemplate my own resolutions for the year ahead. A mere two years ago, my birthday resolutions led me down a path that I'd never have expected... the simple "pre-30 bucket list" was created when I turned 29, and since then I've become more goal-oriented than ever before. At 30, I have continued the path of endurance races and running that I began at 29, only to become more obsessed. I also went skydiving finally, got another [huge] tattoo that I'd wanted for a long time, managed to get in a fight/get punched at a peaceful concert, traveled to Puerto Rico, fell in and out of love, and brought home a few medals from placing in some races. So, as I sit here thinking about the past year, I wonder what's next.

As a fairly [extremely] competitive person, I am always out to one-up myself. It's most obvious with my races...the second I ran a 24-minute 5k, I expected to run that pace or better all the time. I set the bar high and continue to try to reach the next level. Unfortunately, there is nothing realistic about that mindset. At some point, I just have to be comfortable being myself as I am, with no need to constantly one-up myself. It's possible to become a better version of me without being so self-competitive. All that being said, as I sit here pondering the year, I am finding it hard to imagine what I'll do next...and I also almost feel like 30 wasn't eventful enough because 29 was ridiculous (bought a house, started this whole running/triathlon craze and ran my first everything for a total of 20 races, among other crazy things). So, clearly, the past two years have kind of set the bar high.

I never considered myself to be an intense or extreme person, but as I step back and look at my life, there's no denying that much of my experience of the past decade has been extreme or intense in some way or another. From choices I made (skydiving, tattoos, endurance races, etc) to the cards I've been dealt (a 15-pound tumor, the 6-month-long drama of getting into my house, and countless other random situations). As such, it's safe to assume that 31 is going to be another year full of Stephanie-style craziness. I do plan on doing the Augusta half Ironman this year, so there's the big goal for 31...no little feat. I think the best resolution I can probably make at this point in my life is to chill out once in a while. It's so much harder for me to sit back and relax, truly relax, than it is for me to go-go-go with exercising, work, socializing, etc. So, at 31 maybe I should learn to let go of stress and take more time for me. I could probably benefit in a number of ways by relaxing and being less competitive with myself (if that's even possible).

As for the year coming to a close, age 30 has definitely had its ups and downs, but even the downs of this past year have produced positive end results. That is something I've learned in the past year...how to handle the rough times without crashing and burning. I find that by not shutting down, I can process through life's madness much more effectively. In the past, I was definitely more likely to withdraw into myself and not take the time to deal with the challenges dealt simply because it was easier (I thought) to shut down. In this past year (past few months, really), I discovered that by allowing myself to feel and experience things as they happen, I am much more at peace. There is no use dwelling on the things we can't change, all we can do is process and move forward. I've been guilty so many times in the past of not allowing myself to move entirely forward... at 30, I learned how. Successful lessons of the year that will hopefully carry me into the next year and aid in discovering even more.

While I'd like to get a few more of these as I hit age 31, I realize that patience and just having fun is more important than my tendency toward being competitive (especially with myself)!