Well, it's that time of year when I expect myself to be a complete mess. Ah, the holiday season. For me, it always seems to have turned into a stressful experience for the past few years, but not for the reasons most stress out during the holidays. I'm not concerned with getting my shopping done. I don't have a lot of family to visit or people to see or any more things to do than usual. For me, it's stressful because it is a dark season, in a way. Advent is the season of waiting...waiting for hope, for salvation, for Christ. Anyone who knows me well knows that waiting is not something I do well (it's even the inspiration behind my "Hold On" tattoo), but then again, how many of us are capable of waiting these days...we are a world of instant gratification. The concept of waiting, truly waiting on God, is lost on most.
I do my best to get into the spirit of the season by trying to wrap my head around Advent in a way that makes sense to me. The literal concept of a young, pregnant Mary and all that surrounded her at the time is difficult for me to grasp, though I do believe it wholeheartedly. For me, the spirit of the season isn't found in the manger or in the three wise men and the donkeys and such. The Spirit is found in the journey. The journey takes the concept of waiting and makes it active, rather than passive. As children, the concept of what it means to wait is displayed to us as a passive experience..."wait your turn," simply means to be still, don't move, chill out, and wait. As adults, waiting this way makes us antsy. I don't know of any adults who enjoy passively waiting in a doctor's office (but it is what it is, eh).
I feel like the type of waiting represented during Advent is an active waiting. Mary didn't just stop, stand still, and say, "okay, I'll sit back doing nothing until the baby Messiah decides to be born." She was given the good news, and the journey then began! Just like the people who had been waiting for the Messiah didn't sit still waiting for Him to come to them, she moved on in anticipation of His arrival. This kind of waiting is honestly the kind of waiting that has helped me through a lot of my impatient tendencies. Waiting is active! What a concept! Waiting doesn't mean to sit, stay, and expect God to fall in your lap whenever He's ready. Waiting means to move forward, engage with others and with Him, anticipating His everlasting presence in your life.
Does this mean that by actively engaging in the waiting process things will happen any quicker? I highly doubt it. If that were the case, I wouldn't be one of the last remaining single ladies I know (that's where I first became aware of what it was to actively wait...I blogged about it then too). The benefit of actively waiting is that we can find solace and peace as we grow through an experience we may otherwise just find frustrating. During the Advent season that means that we become fully engaged in Him throughout the season, rather than being distracted by shopping, traveling, decorating, etc. Maybe it's easier for me to take this approach since I don't have in-laws or children or whatever to distract me. I have work, church, time with friends, and then a few days with my immediate family. It's not much, but it's my life.
I'll be honest, the purpose of this blog was actually completely different from what came out. It's funny how attempting to write what we think sometimes turns into discovery. I was going to write about struggles with the holiday hustle and bustle, but by mid-way through my spiel above, I realized I have no reason to struggle. I have no reason to worry. I only have reason to feel joy. Even better...I am healthier now than I've been in the past few holiday seasons. A year ago I began getting sick (and stayed that way off and on for almost 6 months), and 2 years ago I could barely walk 10 feet after my surgery. Today, I can run 5 miles. Yeah, I have no reason to worry...I have no reason to be impatient. Maybe the past few years have been a struggle, and maybe the current year has had it's ups and downs. However, the moment I begin to actively engage in waiting and walking with Him, the downs don't seem so bad because the ups give a little bit of extra fuel for the journey.
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