I just have to remind myself that 7 years ago, I was hesitant to leave Valdosta and move to Atlanta. I was leaving behind all of my friends and the only home I'd ever known. I was afraid of the unknown around the next corner...now I've rounded that corner, and I couldn't have been any more blessed these past 7 years. I was scared of a life to which I had not yet been introduced. Now, years later, I am once again faced with the fear of leaving behind a home with which I have grown comfortable. This time, however, I would be going much farther than a 4 hour road trip away. When I came to Atlanta for the first time 7 years ago, I intended to only be here for 3 years while I finished college. I look down the road that lies ahead now, and I don't know what's next...I see many options, but the question remains as to whether or not I'm ready for the leap I feel called to take.
I'm rambling. Honestly, the thought of what lies ahead scares the crap out of me. However, that is going to be the case whether I'm here or across the world. We do not know our tomorrow. Almost a year ago, I thought I had it all planned out, and those plans were interrupted by a frightening and inconvenient experience with a tumor. That experience made me stop and think, obviously. All I can think of now is that I don't want to waste my time or my life. If I feel a calling to go, then I will go. I can't wait for it to be convenient. I can't hesitate to follow the call. I can't look back or say I'll go only if the timing is perfect...that will never happen. If I am going to follow the call, I have to be willing to pick up and go when and where I am called.
Again with the rambling. I am keeping this vague for a reason, though if anybody does read it, at least half of you will know to what I am referring.
When it comes down to it, I am afraid (and have always been afraid) of being left behind. In many situations, I have stepped back and seen that I have been, in a way, left behind. Changes are currently happening all around me, and if I let myself stay here, I will once again allow myself to be swallowed up by the overwhelming feeling of being left behind. It has already begun to happen, and I cannot stop inevitable change. Change isn't bad (as I mentioned in my previous post), and I am willing to embrace change as it comes. In this situation, I have nothing to lose...change is going to happen whether I am around to witness it or not.
Whether or not this is where God is about to lead me, I am not sure, but I will go. Having said that, I am here now, whether I like it or not. So, until the time comes for large scale change, the challenge becomes embracing the uninvited changes happening all around me.
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