And then it changed...
Seven months ago, I wrote this blog for the Vine City blog.......
"It was the last Sunday I'd be around for the rest of the year, and it was a special one. It began when I stopped to pick up Aalliya for pancakes, and as usual, she sprinted for the car. As I hung around the house as people laughed and talked over pancakes and coffee, I realized how much I will miss this in the 8 weeks ahead. I hadn't been around pancakes as much the past month or so because of a bit of a crazy schedule, so I knew I needed to get my fix before disappearing for a while. I am so glad to have been there this past Sunday. New faces and old, so many smiles and hugs. Conversations with children always make me want to just squeeze them in a huge hug, even though I'm not much of a hugger.
Out back as I sat enjoying my coffee, I couldn't help but smile at the intense game of cornhole being played. Those kids are so much better than I am at throwing a beanbag at a target, mad skills. Then the unthinkable happened, someone mentioned that Miley Cyrus song that everyone knows the words to (but somehow I can't remember the name). The next thing I know, I'm singing "hands up, playing my song..." It came out of nowhere, and it frightened me a bit. Then CJ took over, he showed me how it was done...that kid knows every word, and apparently some dance moves as well. It was magical. I could not have asked for a better pancakes experience. As we headed toward the cars, CJ still singing as others joined in, I realized I was in a sort of paradise. These kids are so special...and they are definitely more skilled dancers than I am.
As we got to my car, I already had kids hugging the outside...apparently they like orange. CJ and DeAndre both referred to the car as their car, but Aalliya let them know that she still gets to ride in it the most. I had a packed car, CJ up front, and small Aalliya stuck between two boys (Javonte and DeAndre) in the back. They were so loud on the way to church...conversations that barely made sense to me. CJ kept asking me to turn the radio up, and we danced. Two weeks in a row I danced my way to church...and I'm not a morning person or a good dancer. Amazing. As the kids went to their respective areas (classroom or big church), I was amazed to see the maturity in some of them that I don't think was there before. I saw Javonte go over to Kris McDaniel and give him a hug...that was cool. Every moment, I drank it in because I knew that it would be a long time before I'd get to enjoy it again. Anything can happen in 8 weeks, a lot can change, so in that moment, I just drank in all that I could, all that was, before it changed. I am so grateful for the community I've found here.
So, for the next 8 weeks, I will be absent from Vine City activities...I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe holiday season. I can't wait for my return in 2010!"
...........
Today, days before my birthday and months after my surgery recovery, I re-read the blog. I went scrolling through the blogs to see what I'd contributed. I kind of felt like maybe I needed to revisit a piece of myself that I seem to have lost or forgotten maybe. It was eerie to re-read this, honestly. A piece of me almost vividly remembers that Sunday. I remember tasting joy and feeling love and hope. I also can see from what I wrote that I knew it would never be the same. Toward the end of the blog, I wrote about how anything can happen in 8 weeks, etc. At the time, I was referring to the potential of me not returning to Atlanta after my surgery. I was unsure whether or not this was where I needed to be. What I didn't realize is that, while a lot changed in that 8 weeks, more change would come. I don't really know what I'm saying. What hit me upon re-reading was the phrase, "before it changed." I honestly didn't think anything would realistically change, other than the physical fact of my surgery and recovery, a bit of emotional stress and healing, and potentially relocating to another city for a short while. I never really thought that 7 months later, I would feel chills upon reading this. Something has changed. I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's temporary or maybe I'm being called in a different direction. I still love those kids, but since returning 5 months ago, I have been far less involved. I do group events and go to pancake breakfast, etc, but it feels different. I enjoy every moment of it, and my involvement is definitely a bit of fuel that keeps me going. Something has changed though. Maybe it's me, maybe something in me has shifted. Maybe I have become so pre-occupied with other areas of my life that the involvement with Vine City has become something different.
No comments:
Post a Comment