Rambling thoughts on hitting pause

It's funny (or something like "funny") how I sit here thinking about life, and about how certain things seem to happen over and over again, yet I've yet to learn anything from this. My life's always a bit crazy, that's nothing new. It's how I like it. Normal is boring, and I've accepted the fact that crazy sometimes means all over the place and stressful. Lately I have really felt good about setting goals for myself. I've set goals in the past year for a number of things, and I've accomplished many of them. I like the feeling of accomplishment that goes along with setting a goal and achieving something new, something I kind of never expected myself to achieve.

For the most part, my goals have revolved around fitness this past year, but each goal has been different than the one before. I recently got excited about setting my big, final goal of 2012...a full marathon in December. I believe in myself, for once, and there's no better time than now to do this. Well not a week after setting this goal and realizing that I had to get into official training mode right now to reach the 26.2 mile mark by December, I get put on hold. It's only a hiccup, but I'm amazed how how stressed I become at the thought of not being able to run or workout for a few days. In the past 10 months, I don't think I've gone more than 4 days without at least running a mile for warm up or something. I haven't been sick in any way that effects my breathing until now. It's nothing, but when taking a deep breath hurts, even if it's not serious, my mind suffers. With each day I don't run, I can't help but tell myself that I'm only going to lose potential speed, distance, and endurance if I don't run at least 3 miles every few days.

The funny part is that I think I have a say in all of this. I actually think that by telling myself that I need to run, that I will be able to do so. I think that I can will myself to a state of invincibility. If think that by setting a goal, nothing can stand in my way, I'm quite mistaken. While I may be capable of a lot more than I often give myself credit for, I am human. I will occasionally need to slow down. I just have to accept that hitting pause isn't the end of the world. It's 'pause' not 'stop'...I can easily pick up where I left off, I'm sure. For all I know, I'll be up for a long run tomorrow... or maybe I will feel crappy for the next 4 weeks. I have no clue. Today, I will do what I can do, and tomorrow I'll follow that same set of rules. It's when I try to take life more than one day at a time that I come crashing into a wall, when I crumble and fall, because I'm only equipped to handle each individual experience as it comes my way.