In the past couple of weeks I've moved, gone on vacation, stressed myself out, and slept an average of maybe 3-4 hours/night at the most. Two weeks ago this Saturday, I moved into my new house. No, I'm not a homeowner yet...in fact, I'm not scheduled to close on the house until next Friday (if I'm lucky). I'm trying to have a good attitude about this, but let me just explain the conditions I moved in on. Day 1: no running water, no A/C, no gas meter, windows weren't sealed up, a broken pane of glass in one window still remains, and my butler's pantry millwork (that's been a huge debate anyway) was still not there. Luckily, I've been blessed with some awesome friends who helped me out all day Saturday hanging blinds in the front room, putting up a mailbox, unpacking some of the kitchen stuff, etc. Just getting things ready for the big move Sunday.
Movers showed up to the old house down the street that Sunday to move everything my roommate and I could get them to fit into the truck. I have a lot of stuff [junk]. By Sunday evening, the new house was overloaded with boxes and furniture, and I still had no A/C or running water, etc. Sunday night, we still inaugurated the new house with a front porch night w/ drinks and pizza and neighbors. Despite the madness, I felt blessed. Even more proof of how blessed I am, my roommate and I were both offered up places to sleep by neighbors/friends since the new house was lacking in basic levels of comfort. By last Tuesday evening, we had running water but still no A/C, so we still stayed w/ neighbors that night...I didn't sleep well for days and broke my college record by staying awake for 67 hours. On Wednesday my security system was installed, and that night was my first night in the new house (still a mess of boxes and junk). I slept in the floor in the living room, the only room w/ blinds for privacy.
Luckily, I had a nice 5-day vacation from the slightly unlivable conditions in my new house. I went to the Florida Keys w/ some ridiculously fun friends from Valdosta. I spent the long Labor Day weekend on a boat, out in Key West, cutting loose, and having a great time. It was a blessing to be able to get away b/c I really don't know how much more of that mess I could handle. I got the chance to relax on a tiny, deserted island off the coast of one of the Keys w/ a couple of girls from the group while the rest of the crew went off in the boat again. Knee deep in the water, I was in paradise. I was able to escape the worries that had bogged me down for weeks. I knew that eventually I'd be back in Atlanta and stressed out, but for a moment, I was still and at peace. I was relaxed.
I wore myself out on vacation, of course, and the second I sat down on the plane Monday afternoon, I fell asleep (no lie, I was out). When I landed, the doom that lied ahead was apparent by the icky weather outside. When I left Atlanta, it was still hot and sunny (just like I like it), and I spent 5 days in gorgeous, warm South Florida sunshine. I returned to dreary, rainy cold. I found it ironic that the first night in my house w/ a working A/C was cold enough that I didn't even need the A/C. I've spent the last 2 nights sleeping on the couch still b/c my room still looks more like a storage unit than a bedroom, and I have no blinds on my windows still. It's so hard to get motivated in these conditions. I don't know where to begin, but I know I have to start somewhere if I'm ever going to feel at home.
I know the home-buying process is difficult for everyone, or at least I assume it is. I even hear stories about other people's experiences, etc. Unfortunately, these stories about newlyweds' first home purchases going awry doesn't comfort me. I haven't heard many (if any) stories about single women, on their own, hitting brick walls like this. It's been a complex situation, to say the least, and I feel like I've been fighting it all on my own with no ammo. I know it'll be worth the work and the pain and the stress once I can finally say, "this is my home." However, until that time, I'm just continuing to wear myself out. Daily, I doubt if this will ever actually happen. How long do I have to live in a house I don't own? I've put so much money into just the basics (security, blinds, basic appliances/accessories, etc). I can't turn back now, but I can't move forward either.
For most of the past few months, I've found myself taking deep breaths and glancing down at my "Let go" tattoo...I had to let go of control over this situation over and over. I had to let go of stress coming at me from so many different directions. Recently, I've found myself switching to the "Hold on" side of things. I've been fighting so hard to let go, and I was able to let go of my illusion of control. However, now I am fighting the urge to give up. When you've had a lot of big things almost happen but fall through at the last minute, it's really hard to believe something as big as owning a home will actually happen. I want so badly to just give up and walk away b/c the stress has been awful. I just want a good night's sleep again...just once a week even. Instead, I am reminding myself to hold on. It'll be alright again, I just need to remember to hold on when I feel like giving up.
and now one more photo of my fav part of the new house... I Love Lucy decor in my kitchen!
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